I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
