There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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