I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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