but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
