In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
