Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
