I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
