omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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