Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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