Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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