I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
