thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
