R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
