I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
