Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
