Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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