Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
