tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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