You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
