I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
