it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
