Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
