So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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