just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
