I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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