I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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