I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
