my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
