So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
