A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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