I look better un-naked...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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