may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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