I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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