I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I AM VODKA MAN
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
