I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
