why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
