no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
