Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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