her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
