so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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