just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
