I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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