Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
