based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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