I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
