everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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