You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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