What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
