Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
