i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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