but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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